This first week of school has been crazy. But, as the great Bogey says…

“It doesn’t take much to see that the problems of three little people don’t amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world.”

-Humphrey Bogart, Casablanca

By the way, whatever happened to the name Humphrey? I think we need to bring that back, people.

The following cut contains extensive whining c/p’d from my beloved {DMB}. Thanks everyone there, I love you all.

Last Friday my employer let me know 20 minutes before closing that he had to let me go because the company that just bought us out does not have the budget for my salary. They weren’t going to offer severance pay because I am a part-time worker, and that was my last day. I wasn’t too upset about being let go at the time, I hated the job anyhow and I don’t feel too hard up for money right now. He also offered to pay my next car payment in lieu of severance pay, which I thought was really nice. It kind of sucked though because I scheduled my classes around this job and its hours, so now I have a 7:00 AM class 4 days a week… my school is about 40 minutes away, so as you can imagine it’s kind of difficult for me to get there so early. Plus with gas prices as high as they are, I’m not sure if I’m even going to be able to afford to drive out there so often. But I guess I’ll have to.

I’ve been looking for another job through my school’s career center and it’s only been like 3 days since I started looking, but I’m already getting apprehensive that I’m not going to find anything. Also I’ve never gone on an interview, written a resume, so I’m soo nervous about all that. I’m also worried about the hours I might have to work. Right now, my boyfriend Mike works Wed-Sunday, 9:30-6 and goes to school MTW 5:30-10. They’re great hours for a chef. But so far it looks like I might have to work the evenings he has off of school and work. What will happen to us then? Will we be able to see each other? We already went through a period in our relationship where we only got to see each other on the weekends and it was almost unbearable. Sometimes I think we shoud get married just so we can ensure we’ll see each other at least once a day, even if it is just saying goodnight before we go to sleep. 🙂 But marriage doesn’t solve anything, it just brings in a whole new set of problems. :rel2_faint:

Monday I started my math class btu I went to the wrong room, not realizing it until halfway through, so I missed the first day of class (great impression to make, right?). Then Tuesday this girl in my first class of the day was so extremely rude to me that I started the day off on the wrong foot. She got angry at me for turning on the lights in the classroom (wouldn’t you think it was weird if 10-15 people were sitting silent in a dark classroom?), nevermind I asked if anyone minded if I turned the lights on, and all I got in response was silence. It was only after I turned them on she went postal on me. I don’t even know this person and she had the tenacity to speak to me like I was an ant or something.

All this while I also was worrying about my boyfriend’s checkup on Wednesday (today). He had cancer when he was 17 (next February will be 4 years since he completed treatment!) and the doctors gave him a 60% chance of dying before completing treatment, and they were almost certain that he would relapse within the first year. So far he has beat the odds in every way; he lived through the treatment and he hasn’t had a relapse in the 3 1/2 years of his recovery. But I guess every time it comes time for a checkup, I always wonder if his luck will run out this time, if the CT scan will find another tumor and if it does, what will happen to him? Thank God everything came back normal and it looks like he is perfectly healthy, but I still can’t get that uneasy feeling out of my mind. Mike tries to make me feel better by laughing it off and telling me I’m being silly, nothing will happen to him, etc. Part of me agrees with him. But everytime these checkups come around it makes me realize how easy it would be to lose him, my everything, and I feel so insecure and scared.

All of this stress has seriously made me ill. Tuesday I almost didn’t make it to class because I felt so nauseous and weak, I’ve been sleeping horribly, food seems disgusting to me so I don’t eat and as a result of all this I feel like I’m running on empty. I don’t know how much longer I can keep up this level of stress and I really don’t care to keep it up. I’m hoping that once I find a job again and get back into a routine things will calm down, but right now I feel so insecure, scared and stupid. A lot of the things I worry about are not even things that are happening, they’re things that could happen or might happen. I know it’s useless to worry about them, but for some reason that knowledge doesn’t stop me.

All in all, things have gotten better since I posted that and I actually feel kind of silly looking at it now, but some of it is legit.

And now it’s time for bed. I am so effing tired, y’all.

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