I just finished talking to Vanessa. She’s having a jolly ol’ time in Canadatown, but we sadly came to the conclusion that we would not be able to make it to San Fran this summer. That’s alright, I consled myself, you couldn’t really afford to go anyway. And now you can concentrate on getting a new bedframe and boxspring, so you don’t have to sleep on that stilt of a bed anymore. But alas, this did not comfort my thoughts. I was really looking forward to getting away, to seeing my sister and consulting with her on what to do with my nappy nest I like to call hair. Then it occurred to me that, save the night in July that I will be seeing Vanessa before she heads off to Colorado, I won’t be seeing her until like, August. And it’s June. And Mike starts school on July 12th. So… this summer is going to be special-time-less. L AX is coming up, and I guess I’ll be going to that, but it’s not going to be the same. I guess nothing could have compared to the awesomeness that was AX 2001. It was a magical time, the planets aligned… am I crazy?

Then I realized, this is how it’s going to be for the rest of my life. I won’t be able to go on road trips on a moment’s notice, there will be work, school, bills, and a slew of other things to consider. I feel so pessimistic, like an era has ended and I’m stuck in the darkness. Maybe pessmistic isn’t the word I’m looking for. Maybe just emo.

I feel so restless, like all I do is go to work, to Mike’s house, to my house, and do nothing. I thought college was supposed to be exciting, experimental, the best time of your life, and all that?

I’m avoiding emailing my sister and telling her we’re not going. She’ll be disappointed, but I’m sure she won’t think it a big deal. I considered going up by myself, but I’d be scared going on that long trip by myself.

In other, less depressing news, I’m now a moderator at CPR boards. It’s a young board, but it looks like it will be fun. I just bought a layout from Hannah there, it’s really cute. Hopefully I can get this one to work.